Sunday, July 28, 2013

FREE Cinema Sewer Volume Four Giveaway!

Well, it's that time again. Robin Bougie has been working hard to bring all of you the fourth volume in the series of books based on his magazine, Cinema Sewer!!! If you're like me (and I know you are!) you just cannot get enough sleazy horror and exploitation films. Nothing is more satisfying than plunging elbow-deep into piles of filth to unearth forgotten gems in trash cinema genres. We are connoisseurs of bizarre, perverse, and low brow entertainment. AND WE'RE DAMN PROUD!

Celebrate your ability to gleefully take pleasure in movies that others are unable to enjoy. Check out what lies ahead in this description that I lifted from Cinema Sewer's eCrater shop:

"Issues 21 to 23 of the celebrated underground smash magazine are exhaustively revised and collated in this third spectacular 200 page softcover volume, together with an additional 86 pages of never-before-seen interviews, rants, comics, hard-to-find classic movie advertising, and graphic illustrations. "

And just look at that cover!!! Fucking CHUD hookers? Are you serious?! That's awesome on so many levels I can't even begin to put it into words. What more could you possibly ask for? A free copy? Well, nothing in this world is really ever free so you're going to have to do a bit work if you really want a copy.

About 2 years ago, I had a contest where naming your favorite Post-Apocalyptic films entered you to win a copy of Cinema Sewer Volume Three. This time around, you're going to have to give me your personal "Top 10 Favorite Women in Prison" movies.

Post your lists in the comments section, along with a way to contact you if you win, by August 28, 2013 and I'll announce the winner on August 31st! That gives everyone more than 4 weeks to research and compile their lists. Keep in mind that I'm doing this to support Robin Bougie and his Cinema Sewer magazine, so let everyone know about this contest!

If you were planning on buying the book anyway, go support him and buy the book! If you know someone who would probably love Cinema Sewer but hasn't read it themselves, link them over here. In fact, link this to your Facebook, Twitter, Google+, or even your own blog/website so people can discover all this awesomeness themselves.


Today is Robin Bougie's birthday and I would like to dedicate this post and contest to the man that made this all possible. Happy Birthday Robin!!! You're the man!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Guide to Surviving Chinese Hopping Vampires

I'm sure we're all familiar with the classic depiction of a vampire, a mysterious figure cloaked in darkness with an intense hypnotic gaze that hides an insatiable bloodlust. If needed, I'm sure we could also name the various ways to kill a vampire. Hollywood may have added a few new "twists" such as UV light emitted from a machine gun attachment or concentrated essence of garlic in a weaponized spray/injection. Overall, I'm sure we can all agree that there are some pretty general "rules" to protecting yourself from and/or killing a traditional Western vampire:

Garlic - Beginning as a Eastern European tradition, garlic was hung from windows and worn as necklaces to ward off evil spirits. Garlic was also believed to protect against the "evil eye" and witchcraft throughout parts of Europe, India, and some Asian countries. Primarily used for protection and defense, garlic became somewhat of a "cure-all" for evil and was eventually incorporated into the vampire mythos. Cloves of garlic would be placed into a person's mouth, and other orifices, after death so that evil spirits may not enter the corpse. Although, in some Hollywood movies like the Blade, you may see a concentrated form of garlic delivered via injection.

Crucifixes - Being unholy creatures of the night, it only makes sense that holy objects will ward off these creatures of pure evil. Vampires typically cower at the mere sight of crucifixes and they have even been known to burn the flesh upon contact with the skin of vampire. Larger crucifixes, like the ones found atop a church, can sometimes be used to impale a vampire. Their effectiveness is based on your personal faith, one could create a makeshift crucifix by crossing two pieces of wood (or any two objects) as long as your faith remains strong enough.

Speaking of holy weapons, Holy Water is also useful in the fight against vampires. Used by priests in purification ceremonies, Holy Water will burn a vampire's skin like hydrochloric acid. Ultimately, there are really only two known ways to kill a vampire:

Driving a wooden stake through the heart of a vampire will destroy it. Be careful as this method is extremely dangerous, so it is best to catch the vampire off guard by waiting until it retreats to its coffin.

The other surefire method is Sunlight, which will completely destroy the vampire. Some vampires explode when exposed to sunlight, so stand back! Others will melt, burst into flames, or simply turn to ash (and blow away dramatically in the wind). New theories suggest that the UV-light from the Sun is what destroys the vampires, so tactical UV attachments (similar to a dazzler) may be mounted onto rifles. Silver is said to be effective on vampires, although I've typically heard that attached to werewolf lore, it couldn't hurt if you're able to find silver ammunition.

Some of the more uncommon vampire lore is their compulsive need to count mustard seeds and untie knots, so these things may be used as a temporary distraction during an escape.

These methods are great if you're dealing with a typical European vampire but what would you do if confronted by a Chinese Hopping Vampire? Hopefully, you're armed with the same amount of knowledge on how to stop these Jiang Shi... BUT in case you're not, here's a guide to surviving any run-ins with those hopping corpses.