Tuesday, December 13, 2011

WINNER of Cinema Sewer Contest!!!

Sorry everyone, I was out of town for a couple days so I didn't get a chance to post. I tried contacting the winner, but realized that I hadn't posted on here yet. So Tiffany Leigh, come on down!!!!! You are the winner of a free copy of Robin Bougie's newest Cinema Sewer book. I thought he was going to post a comment on my blog announcing the winner, but he emailed it to me instead. So this is what he had to say:

Ok, so what I did was narrow it down to three finalists based on a criteria of what I thought were the best movies that recognized the structure and theme of the post apocalypse film. Anyone who picked Escape From New York was disqualified, as it is unfortunately is not a P.A. film. It's awesome, but not P.A. Also dropped anyone for listing a Romero zombie movie, as those fit better defined as, duh, "zombie films". Then I put the three finalists in a hat and drew the name at random:

The three finalists were; 

Pweng Bee
Tiffany Leigh
Stevie B

.........and the Winner is: 

Tiffany Leigh
 
So if you'd like to contact US, shoot me an email over at wes.ha86@gmail.com and let me know where you would like the book sent!!! Thanks everyone for all your answers, I had fun just reading them. Congratulations to Tiffany and thank you all for reading.

Monday, November 21, 2011

FREE Cinema Sewer Vol. 3 Giveaway!!!

I would like to apologize to all my readers as I've been promising to return to reviews and this blog that I've neglected for the past several months. I have moved recently, from NorCal to SoCal, and have had a BITCH of a time trying to get everything set up down here. I wanted to expand the blog and get more writers to help but I'm in the process of working that out still. Instead of boring you guys with the details, lets get to the contest!!!


My pal Robin Bougie has released the 3RD volume of his ridiculously awesome zine called, Cinema Sewer. (Some of you may remember the plug I did for him way back)  But my guess is that if you're reading this post, chances are you already know all about him and you're just here to sign up for the giveaway.

So, the contest is.... Name Your Top 5 Favorite Post-Apocalyptic Movies (and, of course, a way to contact you should you win!) and I will choose a winner about a month from now. (So the lucky winner will be getting a Christmas present from the Z-portal!!!) Leave your responses in the comments section below...

This book actually released about mid-October and I ordered 2 copies so I could give one away on this blog. My apologies to my readers and to all the Cinema Sewer fans who missed out on the chance to enter this contest and get a copy of this book when it was hot off the press!!! For those of you who haven't already ordered you book directly from Cinema Sewer (Robin does a custom drawing for the inside cover of the book for you, so it's more of a keepsake for his readers) enter the contest and get a FREE copy of this most awesome book with a custom cover for the Z-portal! (drawn by the man himself, The Bougieman)

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And for MY readers, I swear I have not forgotten about you guys. (Although some of you have probably forgotten me by now!)  When I was going through a hard time in my life last year, my readers were VERY supportive. I am merely trying to stay afloat right now but once I get back on my own two feet... I promise that the Z-portal will return... BIGGER than ever.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)


A Nightmare on Elm Street (USA, 2010) - Color, Director(s): Samuel Bayer
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 95 min.

Z-rating: 2 out of 5 stars

B-factor: 5 out of 5 stars

A full remake of the original, this movie follows a bunch of teens in high school plagued by nightmares of a man with a burnt face that has been keeping them up at night. One teen in particular, who is eating at a diner in a failing attempt to stay awake, becomes the first (onscreen) victim of Freddy. (Although this appears to be a suicide in reality)  At the funeral is where some of his friends notice pictures of them playing together as children, although these friends don't have any recollection of having been friends before high school. While trying to piece together their history, the kids of Elm Street are being picked off one by one in their dreams.

If they had to replace Englund, I'm glad they replaced him with Jackie Earle Haley (Rorschach from Watchmen) was a good decision. I think that Freddy is scarier if you imagine being haunted by Rorschach.... in your nightmares... *shivers*



Nudity: None that I could really remember....

Gore: This movie was bloody (as expected) but surprisingly wasn't too visceral. American Horror films tend to have more graphic/shocking violence in an attempt to make the squeamish look away. This remake tried setting a creepy tone rather than shove a pile of guts in your face.

Awesome: So I finally got around to watching this remake (all while expecting it to most likely be a dud) and was pleasantly surprised when I didn't hate it. I think like most other fans of the original Nightmare on Elm Street, I was quick to dismiss this remake because of the decision to cast another actor in the role of Freddy instead of going with Robert Englund, whom we've all grown to love. I also noticed a scene in the trailer that was in the original (where Freddy comes through the wall at Nancy) but was remade completely in CGI. Now, we all know how much I hate and despise bad CGI, so I put off seeing this movie for a long time.

What I didnt like about the film was how the lights would flicker to signify they had crossed over into a dream. The original was really good because they blurred the lines of reality with the dreamworld so well that you couldn't tell when the characters were sleeping. This and the bad CGI were probably my only two complaints about this remake.

Interestingly enough, what got me interested in seeing the remake was the fact that Mortal Kombat released Freddy Krueger as a downloadable character. Check out this quick Vignette (that I thought was pretty hilarious!):



After seeing that, I HAD to watch the remake to see why they put the new Freddy Krueger on the game instead of the old one. I have to say, I'm not as disappointed as I thought I'd be. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Rampage (2009)


Rampage (Canada/Germany, 2009) - Color, Director(s): Uwe Boll
MPAA Rating: R
[UK: 18]
Approx. 85 min.

Z-rating: 5 out of 5 stars

B-factor: 2 out of 5 stars

Wow.... is, without a doubt, the first word that comes to mind when I think of this movie. First off, let me say that this movie isn't for everyone. Most happy, functional people will probably be turned off by the amount of seemingly senseless violence in this film. (What the FUCK are you doing reading this blog?? Get outta here, you're in the wrong place!!!)  Now, those of you that are left should be a crowd of dysfunctional, angry, cold, bitter people who despise a majority of the assholes we're forced to put up with on a daily basis. We were probably the target audience for Uwe Boll's surprisingly good movie about cold-blooded revenge.

Bill Williamson (Brendan Fletcher) is a 23 year old male living at home with his parents. Conversation over breakfast leads to the topic of him moving out and getting his own place, a sort of quasi-eviction notice from the parents' house. Trying to go about his day, he goes down to his local coffee shop to grab a quick drink of bean juice but runs into a stereotypical asshole of a barista. Despite obviously despising his surroundings, he waits patiently and plans. In the basement, he builds a suit made of Kevlar plates and prepares for his onslaught upon the unsuspecting city. The chaos that ensues is like something out of a video game. Ever play a game like GTA and, instead of doing missions to progress in the game, you just kill everybody you come across and cause as much destruction as you can before the police are able to stop you? That's basically what this film is. This movie is pretty much the fantasy that we all entertain when we're tired of dealing with the same stupid people, every single day. Uncompromising, cold-blooded, and unflinchingly violent in its resolve, this is the movie Falling Down wished it could be.

I could not have asked for a better movie, so it came as an ABSOLUTE surprise when I found out that this film was directed by Uwe Boll. Really? House of the Dead's Uwe Boll? Wow. Again. You see, only those who have seen Uwe Boll's movies can fully appreciate how terrible his movies really were but will undoubtedly be shocked to find what a powerful, entertaining, and masterfully made movie this really is. The storytelling, the unflinching violence, and heavy metal soundtrack blend perfectly to give us what has to be.... without a shadow of a doubt.... the greatest mass murder/multiple-shootings movie ever made!!! Giving us an almost eerie look into the mind of a modern day sociopath. (i.e. the kids involved in the Columbine and V-Tech shootings)

Nudity: Male only. You see the main character's butt briefly when he's changing clothes towards the end.

Gore: Many people are killed in a blaze of gunfire when the main character goes on his "rampage". Many are shown being shot as they're running away but there is one particular scene where he gathers a group of defenseless women in a hair salon and executes the lot of them. Absolutely brutal.

Awesome: to the MAX!!!!!!! This movie will undoubtedly be dismissed as an exercise in senseless violence but I honestly think that there is something deeper to this movie than what might be seen at a glance. Ignoring the fact that this is an Uwe Boll film, which is absolutely UNBELIEVABLE in itself, I think this film not only accurately depicts the chaos that plays out in the sick fantasies that we all entertain in our own heads... this film is scary on a different level because it's not about some invincible machete-wielding killer, it's about your average Joe who has been sitting back and plotting his cold and calculating revenge. This is something that not only can happen, it HAS happened before. In fact, as I write this review, I hear from friends that an incident where a man went on a rampage and killed 80 people, blew up building (embassy?), and had a final stand against the police. This is a fucked up world we all live in, we would all do well to treat others with the respect we would all like to have. You never know when you might push the wrong person too far... 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Ep. 6 - Raiden

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Saturday, May 7, 2011

When Hamburgers Attack...

A bunch of graduates from a French school of animation put together this crazy ass short of hamburgers going crazy and eating people. The short is titled "Hambuster" and is about a guy who goes to the park for lunch and ends up biting off more than he can chew, if ya know what I mean. Check it out guys, it's pretty awesome...

Free Comics Day + Forum

As many of you may have noticed, we're already a week into May and there hasn't really been any new posts on the blog. That's because I've been busy working on my new forum lately!!! I noticed that sometimes I would find information that I wanted to share with my readers, only it wasn't enough information to write an entire blog post about. So I decided to start a forum to compliment this blog and have tried to integrate it into the blog here:

http://z-portal.blogspot.com/p/forum.html

There isn't much on the forum yet since it's just starting out, but I'm spending a lot more of my time over there. Furthermore, this blog feels like it's limited in terms of interactivity. Some of you may have noticed that I updated the comments section a little bit to make conversations more fun, but this blog is still mostly my thoughts and opinions. With the forum, my readers can now interact with each other and share anything they find on the net as well!! So I encourage all of you to swing by the forum and sign up. Join the community and let your voice be heard. 

(Note: The forum is just a pool to dump all the stuff I come across, I will draw from this pool of information when I need to construct a blog post. Go to the forum and help add to the information pool or just go there to check out anything that's already up)


Also, for those of you who don't know, today is Free Comic Book Day!!! So to all you comic lovers out there, check your local comic shop to see if they're giving away any free comics today. Check the official site to see if they have a listing of participating shops near you. For people here in San Francisco, here's a list of some shops participating in the 2011 Free Comic Book Day:

http://sf.funcheap.com/free-comic-book-day-bay-area/

Or check out the official website: http://freecomicbookday.com/

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Ep. 4 - Kitana & Mileena (Part 1)



A pretty cool animated episode but with more backstory than action. Still pretty cool though, totally sets up for the next episode which should have some real fighting.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Ep. 3 - Johnny Cage



You Got Caged! This episode features Johnny Cage and his struggle to get some acting work.

See Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 1
See Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 2

Call of Duty: Black Ops "Escalation" trailer



OMFG, Call of Duty Black Ops is getting another map pack named Escalation which features a brand new zombie level called Call of the Dead. Dedicated to, and also guest starring, the King of Zombies himself... George A. Romero. Also starring an all star cast made up of Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street), Danny Trejo (From Dusk Till Dawn), Sarah Michelle Gellar (The Grudge), and Michael Rooker (Slither) as a group of survivors?? Alright... who else just creamed their pants?

Saturday, April 23, 2011

MK-mania

IT HAS BEGUN!!!


Hello everyone, and welcome to MK-mania here at the Z-portal!!! I've noticed the overwhelming amount of Mortal Kombat themed posts and decided to tie them all together here. So, in celebration of the release of the hottest fighting game out on the market, we bring you... Mortal Kombat-mania!!!

First off, everyone here should know the MK franchise. A popular fighting game released in 1992, Mortal Kombat has since made a name for itself by reveling in blood-soaked violence and explicit gore. The franchise has now spawned at least 9 sequels, 2 movies, and couple different television/series incarnations. Here at the Z-portal, we started with the movies and worked our way over to the games. So we'd like to offer you guys:

Movies:



Video Games:


2011 Web Series:



Enjoy everyone!!!

REVIEW: Mortal Kombat: Kollector's Edition

Mortal Kombat: Kollector's Edition (2011)


This is my review of the super awesome new Mortal Kombat video game out now for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360. As I've been ranting about for the past few weeks, I've been SUPER stoked since pre-ordering the Kollector's Edition (with the bookends) on Amazon. I made the choice to pre-order on Amazon because of the classic character skins available. If you pre-ordered at Best Buy, you would get a classic Sub-Zero costume. Pre-ordering at Gamestop would get you a classic Scorpion skin. I pre-ordered mine at Amazon for the classic Reptile skin. I actually liked Sub-Zero's and Scorpion's new costumes so I opted for Reptile because green ninjas are awesome. I know I promised that I was going to review this box set at least three full days ago but after I threw this game into the console, the next thing I knew... two days had passed! I'm lucky I was able to put the game down long enough to even start writing this thing, so let's get down to it!!!


First off, let me just say that this game is definitely Mature. So if either you or your child is sensitive to gore or gallons of the red stuff spewing out from gaping wounds, this is NOT the game for you. (Also, you need to stop reading and leave this blog at once!!) Any blurb or review you read on the net will mention how this is a "return to roots" for this game (and what a return it is!). MK made a name for itself by being excessively violent when other fighting games weren't. Building its reputation by pushing the envelope on violence in video games, the MK series surprised fans and critics alike when they co-produced a game with DC Comics that resulted in a T for Teens rating. (Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe)  I admit that the game was an interesting concept but I prefer to consider it a nice alternative that I keep separated from the MK canon. (An MK game without blood and guts, how ridiculous!!! That's like them making a Mortal Kombat movie that's rated PG-13 or something...)

In addition to the bloody mayhem that's to be expected from this series, Mortal Kombat also touts having the deepest story mode in any fighting game. This has been apparent with the series since the introduction of Konquest mode in Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance, the story modes in the MK series are so much fun that they even made an adventure game spin-off with Liu Kang and Kung Lao called Mortal Kombat: Shaolin Monks. (HIGHLY recommended co-op adventure game for MK fans)  A deeply-involved story makes this game more than just a fighting game, it's a pretty well-rounded game with TONS of replay value. This game connects all of the stories from the past Mortal Kombat games and packages it up nicely with improved graphics and even more violent fatalities. (it's every fanboy's wet dream!)

The story picks up right after Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, with Shao Kahn winning and gaining an enormous amount of power that makes him nearly invincible. Despite Raiden's best efforts to stop him, Kahn overpowers Raiden, forcing him to send visions to his past self. Meanwhile, Raiden from the first Mortal Kombat tournament receives these visions and now you must work to try to alter the future outcome of the Mortal Kombat tournaments. This new game re-visits all of the past MK games and ties everything together very nicely.


Along with improved moves for some characters, and the return of Combo Breakers, comes the new X-ray system which features bone-crunching detail as the damage done to the opponent is shown in full X-ray glory. One thing that you'll notice when you first pick up the controller is the ease with which you'll be able to control the characters. With a more responsive fighting system, veterans and newcomers alike will be able to chain combos and execute special moves with ease. Fatalities have also become easier to pull off, making the overall gaming experience more satisfying when you defeat your opponent. (I'm partial to the PlayStation 3 version myself just because I'm a console gamer and the PlayStation controllers feel the most comfortable in my hands for fighting games. If I already owned a PS3, I definitely would've picked this game up for that system instead. However, the smooth and responsive control system made adapting to the layout of the Xbox controller relatively painless)

Different gameplay modes also add more depth to the game such as the Challenge Tower, which gives players fun little side missions to complete for more Koins to unlock secrets. (Test Your Might, Test Your Sight, Kill Zombies, etc.) In multiplayer mode, there's one-on-one or two-on-two battles with MK featuring a new smoother tag system that makes fighting with your friends more interesting. I totally think there should be a tag team X-ray move, which there isn't, but the X-rays alone are a fantastic addition to the MK experience. Fanboy fantasies aside, I have no REAL complaints about the way this game plays. The 3D characters and environments returning to the original 2D fighting platform proves to be a winning combination. Simply the best Mortal Kombat to date.


These are the reason I decided to go for the Kollector's Edition as opposed to the Tournament Edition. Although the Tournament Edition comes with a joystick, these video game bookends were totally bad ass and I felt like they'd be more useful to me than a clunky joystick. (I might've gone for the Tournament Edition if it included the bookends as well) These highly detailed bookends feature Scorpion pushing his spear through a wall and Sub-Zero getting impaled on the other side of it. These will look fantastic up on a shelf, bordering a stack of video games or movies violent enough to be deemed worthy of being held up by MK bookends.

Here are a couple different angles of the bookends



SO friggin' awesome. I will enjoy decorating my future room with these bad ass bookends, no doubt. Now, a look at what else comes in this box set:


Sorry, don't be fooled by my picture. The black thing on the left with Scorpion printed on it is just the cover to the book in the middle, The Art of Mortal Kombat. The book is approx. 110 pages and contains concept art for each of the characters as well as information on the various stages in the game. In addition to the classic (Reptile, Sub-Zero, or Scorpion) costume that comes with your pre-order, every set comes with a classic Ermac costume (Red Ninja) and downloadable MK-inspired Avatars for your Xbox Live or PSN accounts. There is also some DLC that comes along with the game, although it didn't specify what it is and I'm not connected to Live... so maybe someone else can shed a little light on what this might be?

So, the new Mortal Kombat game is easily the strongest in the series and I am PROUD to say that I own the Kollector's Edition set. I would give this game a full rating of 10 out of 10 for being part of my favorite fighting game franchise and for being an AWESOME addition to the series. I have been a major fan of all the games ever since the series started. I can remember going to my buddy's house when I was just a kid and playing the first Mortal Kombat on his SNES. I remember LOVING every Mortal Kombat up until Mortal Kombat Trilogy. I must admit, I hated when the environments in the series went 3D because I was just so used to the 2D fighting platform. The later series on the PS2 had totally awesome intros but the fighting mechanics were strange and just didn't feel like Mortal Kombat anymore. This was also the birth of their story mode, or Konquest mode, which proved to be even better than the fighting aspect in some ways. Being able to harness the best of both aspects, they have a created a nice little niche for themselves and ensured that MK will be here to stay. Shaolin Monks was my favorite MK game on the PS2 and they proved they can be more than just a fighting game. Overall, this new game is a fantastic new addition to the MK family and is the strongest in the series without a doubt. HIGHLY recommended for fans and newcomers alike. Do yourself a favor and go buy a copy of this game ASAP. You will not be disappointed.

My apologies to all my readers, I know I promised this was going up on 4.20.11, although I wanted to put a little effort into it and take some good pictures. I hope you all enjoyed the review and I hope I was able to provide a little insight into this amazing video game. I don't get paid to promote this item and I'm not getting any freebies from them. I'm trying to spread the word on this game for no other reason than the fact that I absolutely LOVE the series and this new game. I figured that my readers who share the same interests would appreciate knowing what comes in the Kollector's Edition set. I'm not getting anything out of advertising for these guys so just know that I'm recommending this game because I genuinely enjoy it. I hope you all do too.

UFC 129: St-Pierre vs. Shields


Are you serious?! When was the last time UFC put on a fight like this?? GSP is the fuckin' MAN and Jake Shields is supposed to be like Houdini on the ground. This will only be my second time watching Shields fight, but I am definitely excited to see him go for GSP's title. Add to that, Randy Couture is going to be fighting Lyoto Machida?? That's going to be fun to watch just because. Machida is one of the most elusive and unorthodox fighters out there in MMA, it'll be fun to see a veteran like Couture gets his hands on him. Randy Couture is fuckin LEGENDARY status, if anyone could beat Machida.... I wouldn't put it past Couture to be the one to surprise everybody. Just unbelievable.... I know what I'll be doing Saturday night.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Happy 420 to the Potheads!!!


To all the Stoners, Potheads, Hippies, Gangstas, and everyone else that's celebrating today by lighting up and getting high outta their fucking minds... I wish you all a Happy 4/20!!! I was going to review a couple of stoner comedies that I think everyone would enjoy... but then I got high....

Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 2



Always just a couple days behind, keep up with the series as I wait for my copy of Mortal Kombat to come in the mail. There will be a review of the game and box set when I get it.

See Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 1
See Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 3

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

REVIEW: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)


Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (USA, 1997) - Color, Director(s): John R Leonetti
MPAA Rating: PG-13
[UK: 15 (cut)]
Approx. 95 min.

Z-rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars for purely bad entertainment value

B-factor: 5 out of 5 stars for being SUPER cheesy despite a bigger budget

With the release of the new Mortal Kombat game today, Z-portal is reviewing the second Mortal Kombat movie. (Also, check out my review of the first Mortal Kombat film) I have pre-ordered my copy of Mortal Kombat from Amazon and will be doing a detailed review of the boxset when I receive it in the mail. Stay tuned!!!

Following the victory by Liu Kang, the portals to Outworld should be closed at least until the next Mortal Kombat tournament. However, an evil emperor by the name of Shao Khan has arrived to ensure the destruction of the Earth within 6 days. Raiden and the other of Earth's warriors don't get a chance to relax following their victory before having to face this new threat. We also see that most of Earth's warriors, with the exception of Liu Kang and Kitana, have all had some kind of facial reconstructive surgery. Maybe as a result of winning the tournament, Liu Kang got to keep his face. Either way, we now see that Raiden looks more like James Remar (who plays a completely inferior Raiden than Christopher Lambert) and we are introduced to our newest visitors from Outworld. We see that the Generals of Khan's army consists of Motaro, Ermac, Rain and Sheeva. In a confrontation that results in Johnny Cage's death, Earth's warriors are forced to retreat. With Khan's extermination squads hot on their heels, they desperately try to recruit a little help as Sonya Blade is sent to get her partner Jax. Kitana and Liu Kang are sent out to look for Nightwolf and Raiden goes to see the Elder Gods to see why Khan's portals were allowed to stay open. Khan has also brought Queen Sindel back to life under his spell. Liu Kang and Kitana are on their way to see Nightwolf when they're attacked by the cybernetic Smoke. Sub-Zero's younger brother comes to their aid before they're attacked by Scorpion who successfully kidnaps Princess Kitana. Sonya finds Jax and is attacked by Cyrax. The Earth warriors are led to believe that Queen Sindel is the key to closing Khan's portals so they frantically try to reunite the two. I'm sure the storyline sounds very confusing, and in all actuality, is a bit of a chore to follow. Some characters are introduced only to be killed off for absolutely no reason, some storylines don't lead anywhere, glaring plot holes and horrendous CGI is accented by loose ends that are never tied up in the plot. While there is a story here, it is so haphazardly thrown together that it's almost a complete waste of time to try to follow it. They just tried to cram as many Mortal Kombat elements into this film as they could. I give them kudos for the costumes, which looked amazing, but the dialogue and computer-generated effects were so poorly done, it was almost insulting. Basically, Liu Kang needs to learn his Animality in order to fight Shao Khan. And Raiden gives up his immortality to side with his precious mortals. I'm sure there are details that I'm missing, but you probably wont even notice.

Man, so you want to talk cheesy? This movie was SO freakin' cheesy, it's totally laughable. I remember being really surprised when I first read some negative reviews of this movie. I had seen it in theaters as a kid and remembered really enjoying it myself. So then why did this sequel, which featured a WIDE array of characters that wasn't in the first, garner such negative attention? Wasn't until I rented the movie and re-watched it did I realize how absolutely horrendous the dialogue in this film was. My favorite line:

"You did great last time, Liu, but this time you will need help with what you are about to face. Go deep into the night. Seek out the council of one called Nightwolf. You will not find him, HE will find you."

You can't make this shit up, it's like it was written by someone in middle school.

Nudity: None, as it was rated PG-13. Although, one thing I will compliment about this movie is that Jade was STUPID hot in her skimpy snow rags and I absolutely LOVE that Sonya and Mileena duke it out in a mud-fight. These scenes were enough to make it an enjoyable movie, but a horrible adaptation of the Mortal Kombat series.

Gore: NONE!!!! Are you fucking serious?! One of the biggest reasons Mortal Kombat is popular is because of the violence. Seriously, how do you make a Mortal Kombat movie that's rated PG-13??? The first one got away with it because they at least attempted to make a good movie.

Awesome: Somewhat. The dialogue was abysmal and the movie was very poorly executed overall. The only thing that really saved this movie was how laughably bad it was. The story is nearly pointless, the computer-generated effects are terrible, This movie is definitely comparable to the Street Fighter movie in terms of how laughably bad it is. So there you have it, the tagline for this movie is perfect. Destroy All Expectations, that's good advice seeing as you can't be disappointed if you don't expect much to begin with. This movie is DEFINITELY cheesy and bad. Just know that the only reason to see this film is just to have a good laugh at how bad it is.



Check out my review of the original, Mortal Kombat (1995)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

What's Your Favorite Scary Movie?


In honor of Scream 4's release tomorrow, I would like to know. What's your favorite scary movie?

Yam Laranas' New Viral Campaign

Those of you who frequent my blog will remember a review I did of a movie called The Echo by director Yam Laranas. The guys over Bloody-Disgusting have the scoop on Yam Laranas' new viral campaign for his latest film, Nobody Leaves. (They've also got the video on there too) There aren't any details for the film just yet, but Yam did release a viral video on his blog.

REVIEW: Mortal Kombat (1995)


Mortal Kombat (USA, 1995) - Color, Director(s): Paul W.S. Anderson
MPAA Rating: PG-13
[UK: 15]
Approx. 101 min.

Z-rating: 3 out of 5 stars for pure nostalgic entertainment

B-factor: 3 out of 5 stars for how cheesily the movie was executed

With the new Mortal Kombat game on the way, I thought it was only appropriate that I reviewed the movies in preparation for its release. (I will also be doing a detailed review of the MK: Kollector's Edition box set when mine comes in the mail. YEAH!!!) I was in elementary school when this film first dropped. I don't remember a living soul that wasn't into the video games and anybody who was anyone saw this movie when it came out. Of course, I had to be one of the cool kids in school (I was lucky enough to rent this bad boy on VHS!!! Ooooooh yeeaaahh) so I was, no doubt, on the playground talking to all the other kids about how awesome Goro looked and how we probably would've appreciated some more blood and fatalities. (Yes! Even as a kid!!)

The film begins with a flashback of Shang Tsung (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) defeating one of Earth's fighters in Mortal Kombat. When the dream sequence ends, we find that these are the nightmares that haunt Earth's greatest champion, Liu Kang (played by Robin Shou). Unable to deal with the loss of his younger brother, he seeks answers at the Temple of Light. This is where he first meets Lord Raiden, God of Thunder, but still leaves doubtful of the whole tournament to protect Earth realm from foreign invaders. We cut to two other of Earth's fighters, Johnny Cage and Sonya Blade. On the Hollywood set of some film, Johnny Cage (Linden Ashby) is filming his latest action epic when an extra flubs the scene. He's approached by his "agent", who's really Shang Tsung in disguise, and is told about a tournament where he can demonstrate the validity of his skills to the world. Sonya Blade (played by the lovely but mean looking Bridgette Wilson), on the other hand, is a special forces agent with her partner Jax Briggs. They are on a sting operation to take down Kano (excellently acted by Trevor Goddard, who made him my favorite character in the movie), a boss in the criminal underworld. These fighters are invited to participate in a tournament known as Mortal Kombat, but the details of the tournament are a bit vague. (Kinda feels like Enter the Dragon thus far)

They all hop on a leaky boat and start off for some island where the tournament will be held. Bruce Le... um... Liu Kang and the other Earth fighters have a run-in with two of Outworld's fighters, Scorpion (Chris Casamassa, whom some of you might remember as "The Red Dragon" from WMAC Masters) and Sub-Zero. Raiden (Christopher Lambert, who is jocking for first place with Trevor[Kano] for best performance) puts an end to that shit before it starts... but it's already become clear that these aren't your run-of-the-mill fighters. Earth's fighters gather around as Lord Raiden fills them in on the details of their presence in this tournament. The evil sorcerer Shang Tsung has lead the fight against Earth Realm in a tournament called Mortal Kombat. Winning nine consecutive victories, Outworld can conquer Earth Realm if Shang Tsung and his fighters were to win a tenth MK tournament in a row. Realizing that they were Earth's final hope, the fighters band together and prepare to take on their greatest enemy. If they are not successful, then Earth Realm is doomed.

IT HAS BEGUN!!!!! MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!

The theme song was stuck in everybody's head for YEARS to come. I don't know anyone who can't hum the beat to the MK song. In fact, all you have to do is scream "IT HAS BEGUN" and I guarantee that somebody will finish it by yelling back, "MORTAL KOMBAT!!!!!" as you both start to hum the beat. I think these films, and the video game franchise, have a lot of nostalgic value to people who grew up during the height of MK popularity. Another thing that I found really interesting were the connections that I found between this movie and WMAC Masters. Apparently, one of the fighters on the show was the original character model for Liu Kang and Shang Tsung in the first game. (Ho-Sung Pak, who was "Superstar" on the show.) There was also the aforementioned Chris Casamassa (Scorpion) and Hakim "The Machine" Alston, who played the dude that Liu Kang defeats in the opening rounds of the tournament and gets his soul stolen by Shang Tsung.

Nudity: None, this movie was rated PG-13. But I must say that Sonya Blade looked VERY sexy as she snapped Kano's neck like a twig.

Gore: None. There was barely even any blood in this movie and I feel like that's where the biggest mistake in this movie lies. How can you possibly make a movie based on the most violent fighting game franchise in history but have it be PG-13?!?!? Does anyone else see a problem with this? As a stand alone film, the MK movie was great. I enjoyed it and found it very entertaining. There were a couple of "nods" to the video game series if you look out for them. And some of the characters, especially Goro, looked fantastic. However, the movie won't be receiving a higher score from me just because it failed to quench my insatiable blood lust.

Awesome: Pretty. I definitely remember enjoying the movies a lot more when I was a kid though. I guess you grow up and some things just change. As much as I absolutely LOVE the video games, I can't say the same for the movies. This movie was a success, financially, though as it spawned a SUPER cheesy sequel and a live-action TV series. Since Hollywood likes to reboot movies so damn much, I don't see them rebooting this series in an ultra-violent manner that would be loyal to the video game series. Well, actually, I guess that's not entirely true. I heard that because of some legal issues that Midway was having, Warner Bros. came and bought the rights for several video game franchises with the intention of turning them into movies. Threshold Entertainment, however, owns the rights to the first two MK movies and felt like Warner Bros. was trying to cut them out of the picture. A lawsuit followed and a movie was never officially made. Threshold announced that they're going to remake an MK movie in 2013. Let's hope they don't mess it up this time with more PG-13 crap. In an unrelated incident, a clip was released onto youtube trying to generate some buzz. The clip was entitled Mortal Kombat: Rebirth, featuring Michael Jai White as "Jax" and Lateef Crowder as "Baraka".



This clip is not official but they did decide to turn it into a web series to generate more buzz for the video game coming out on 4/19/2011. The first episode of which, hit the web two days ago on April 12, 2011 and can be seen here.

Here's the trailer to the original movie:



Check out my review of the sequel, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 1



Following Sonya Blade and Jackson Briggs, this first webisode is the beginning of a new live action mini-series they're premiering on the net to promote the game that will be releasing 4/19/11. YEAH!!!! I'm pumped.

Watch Mortal Kombat: Legacy Episode 2

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Scream 4


For those of you who haven't heard yet, there's a new sequel on the way for the Scream franchise. Coming out Friday, April 15th, this latest installment touts a new set of rules that the (new and old) victims must figure out if they're to survive their run-in with a new Ghostface. The story picks up several years after the third film, with Neve Campbell returning to Woodsboro for a book signing where she will once again cross paths with David Arquette and Courteney Cox's characters. (Dewey and Gale Weathers)

New to the cast are a band of fresh young faces for Ghostface to slash his way through including, but not limited to, Hayden Panettiere (of Heroes fame), Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall), and Emma Roberts (star of Nancy Drew and niece to Julia Roberts)

I'm actually really excited for this one myself. The original was a self-aware slasher that paid homage to, and poked fun at, the genre as a whole while redefining it. They played on the clichés of slashers and turned them into hard set "rules" for surviving a horror movie. This original concept was wildly popular when it was introduced and the film turned out to be a sleeper hit. Sometimes I get the feeling that after movies like Inception and Avatar, people have been going to the movies with higher expectations. I don't expect every movie I see to be some deeply thought-provoking psychological trip that messes with my perceptions of reality. Sometimes I'm just looking for some mindless entertainment and this new Scream sounds like it would be that perfect blend of violence, satisfying kill sequences, and a few good laughs. I'm sure it doesn't help that Scary Movie, and every other movie under the sun for that matter, has poked fun at Scream at one time or another. Regardless, not every movie needs to be an Academy Award winning film... and sometimes I just want to see young and sexy bodies get slashed to ribbons by a knife-wielding psycho while the red stuff spills out by the gallons. Who else is as excited as I am for this sequel?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

New Twisted Metal for PS3

Can it be? A new Twisted Metal game? Hells yeah!!! As if it wasn't cool enough that there was a Duke Nukem game coming out? There's a Twisted Metal game announced for Oct. 4!!! On April 14th, there will be an in-depth demo, stay tuned or follow at GameSpot.



Sweet Tooth is totally awesome. 




Twisted Metal: Black was awesome!!!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

REVIEW: The Fifth Element (1997)


The Fifth Element (France, 2003) - Color, Director(s): Luc Besson
MPAA Rating: PG-13
[UK: PG]
Approx. 126 min.

Z-rating: 5 out of 5 stars for its imaginative Sci-Fi/Fantasy storyline

B-factor: 2.5 out of 5 stars for its cheesy gags

Now, this is how I like my Sci-Fi movies. Weird, ugly, mean-looking aliens with a bunch of strange weapons and flying cars. This movie has all of that and more... with a touching storyline to boot!!! The characters all had interesting personalities, effects were fantastic, and there were some good laughs along the way. What more can you possibly ask for?! (Maybe a little more nudity, but who's complaining?)


So every five thousand years or so, some Great Evil appears and we need the Fifth Element to stop it. There are four sacred stones representing the four classic elements (Earth, Fire, Wind, Water... GO PLANET!!!) which are the keys to either saving the universe or its destruction. An alien race wearing mechanical suits come to take the stones from us, citing the outbreak of war as a threat to their safety, promising to return with them when we needed them most. Fast forward a couple hundred years and the time has come for us to face the Great Evil. The mechanical aliens return to deliver the stones but are shot down by a bunch of ugly looking aliens that look like villainous lackeys. These other ugly mofos were hired to steal the stones and deliver them to an evil corporate sleazeball named Zorg. (Played by the always enjoyable, Gary Oldman) As it turns out, the stones were not aboard the ship. They were being kept safe by someone else. They checked the crash site and found the remains of one of the mechanical aliens (a severed hand gripping a lever) which is used to clone a new one. Instead of some ugly mess that's covered by a bulky mechanical suit, she comes out looking like a super hot and naked Milla Jovovich!!! (OF COURSE the perfect being is a girl, what else could it have been?!)


So, much like these artificially created beings often do, she breaks out of her holding chamber and makes a daring escape. (à la Wolverine) Jumping off the ledge of a building, she crashes right through the roof of a flying cab piloted by Bruce Willis. (who also happens to be ex-special forces)  The police try to pull him over but sweet little Leeloo (Jovovich) begs for his help with her sad puppy dog eyes. Willis gives them the slip, much to Leeloo's delight, and delivers her to a priest by the name of Vito Cornelius. The truth is then revealed that the stones were entrusted to someone they called "The Diva", a blue alien opera singer. (who is AWESOME by the way)  A radio contest is rigged so that Korben Dallas (Willis) has tickets to go see The Diva and hopefully recover the stones. The announcement of the contest winner draws the attention of Zorg (Oldman) and those ugly alien grunts as well. With everyone looking for the stones, they all converge at the opera house where The Diva is giving a concert. After a totally awesome concert, a shootout occurs where The Diva takes a bullet to the gut and falls dramatically to the floor. Leeloo, remembering the grunts that shot down her ship, toss them a beating the likes they've never seen before. Things don't end well for Leeloo when she has a run in with Zorg, armed with his fancy pants machine gun, who takes the box (thought to be containing the sacred stones) found in The Diva's belongings. With her dying breath, she tells Korben Dallas the real location of the stones. With the "help" of an effeminate radio jockey (played by Chris Tucker), Dallas must find Leeloo and save universe for eternal darkness...


Nudity: When the perfect being is revealed to be a girl (Jovovich) you get a shallow view of her boobs momentarily. She also takes off her shirt without regard for present company. (All the guys are gentleman and look away but we get a blurry view of boobies in the distance)

Gore: Not much, unless you count alien gore. Not a violent movie, but it really didn't need to be.

Awesome: to the MAX!!!!! Great actors/actresses, amazing make-up and special effects, and a fantastic storyline ties together perfectly with a healthy dose of oddball humor to make for a wildly entertaining Sci-Fi romp. Everybody's character had such animated personalities, even the Chinese guy that brings Dallas lunch was hilarious. The storyline was kinda touching but also involved enough space fighting and ugly aliens to be totally cool. Also, you gotta love a movie that basically says the perfect being's a woman and makes PUSSY the fifth element. (the only thing capable of saving the universe apparently, imagine that) One of my favorite Sci-Fi flicks of all time, I would watch this baby ANY time I see it playing.

Duke Nukem - Fun with Feces

For those of you motherfuckers who don't know, Duke Nukem Forever comes out June 14th. Here's a sneak peek at some fun things that you can do with feces in the game. Enjoy =)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Helldriver


I had a post a few days back about zombies, and while it wasn't anywhere NEAR a complete listing, I totally forgot to mention the movie Helldriver that I heard about recently. (Yes, I realize I'm a bit slow) From the mind of Tokyo Gore Police and Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl comes the latest splatter-iffic zombie film to come out of Japan. Anyone who is a fan of movies like Machine Girl and Robo Geisha will surely have a ball with this gory splatter-fest.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Red Band Trailer: Hobo With A Shotgun


Many of you will remember when the Grindhouse movies came out, there was a big buzz about that movie because it was one of the first double features to come out in theaters in a LONG time. Furthermore, the two movies were released along with "fake" trailers sandwiched between them. Most of the "fake" trailers were done by celebrity directors such as Eli Roth, Edgar Wright, and Rob Zombie. However, there was a contest being held where they would play your fake trailer alongside the Grindhouse films in theaters if you won. A "fake" trailer by name of A Hobo With a Shotgun was the winner that made its rounds with the Grindhouse films. Since then, Robert Rodriguez's fake trailer Machete has since been turned into a feature-length film. Now, Hobo With a Shotgun will be getting a release from Magnolia Pictures under their Magnet Releasing company. This will mark the second full-length feature to spin-off from the Grindhouse films.


REVIEW: I Spit on Your Grave (2010)


I Spit On Your Grave (USA, 2010) - Color, Director(s): Steven R. Monroe
MPAA Rating: UR
[UK: 18 (cut)]
Approx. 107 min.

Z-rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars for depraved sexual violence.

B-factor: 2 out of 5 stars for some noticeably bad CGI on some crows towards the end.

This film is a remake of an exploitation classic known for its brutal rape scene and grisly scenes of torture in the revenge that followed. This is another one of those "woman scorned" films where some poor girl is put through hell but comes back way harder and gets her revenge in the worst way possible. The thing is, when you remake an exploitation flick, you get.... an exploitation flick. Nobody is watching this remake, or the original, for its intricate plot or substance in its storyline. They probably just want to see a girl get raped and then see her exact bloody revenge on the bastards responsible. In that sense, this movie delivers the "goods" in spades.


A writer goes out to the country for a little isolation so that she can focus on her work. Unfortunately, during a gas stop, she attracts the attention of a few yokels that make a few passes at her but are promptly brushed off. They eventually find out where she's staying and start stalking her, watching her through the window with a video camera, before finally breaking in one night. These good ol' boys came to get them a piece of the city gal but accidentally let her slip away during their little game of cat-and-mouse. She makes a daring escape before running into the local sheriff who goes back to the house with her to check the situation out. The sheriff may not be as helpful as he seems and before long, the boys are back in the house and they've got her surrounded. She's stripped of her clothes and viciously raped but before they get a chance to dispose of her, she jumps in the river. They check for her body every day until she presumed dead. Everything seems to have blown over until people start asking questions about her after not hearing from her for over a month. The gang tries desperately to tie up all the loose ends but while they're all busy scrambling about... someone is back for a little revenge...


Nudity: A girl gets raped, so she's completely naked at one point. This kind of nudity is hot only because you know it's just a movie. If it was actual footage, then that would be a different story.

Gore: Ahh, sweet revenge. Nothing like satisfying brutal, gruesome, and bloody revenge... and this movie delivers that and more. The only problem is, even though the violence was disturbing and the atmosphere uncomfortable, the gore wasn't explicit. So while there was a castration scene, it isn't explicitly shown. You hear the snipping sound and see the resulting puddles of blood pooling at his feet. The penis itself is shown severed as she shoves it in his mouth and makes him blow himself!!! (LOL)  The best death was probably the guy hanging over the bathtub full of lye. The most cringe worthy moment, aside from the rape scene if you're a girl, is the part where she pulls out some teeth with a pair of pliers. (ouch!)

Awesome: Very. The very beautiful Sarah Butler is an absolute pleasure to watch. She makes you feel sorry for her which, when she gets raped, really helps you care that something bad is happening to her character. I'm not sure what it was about this movie, perhaps it was the fact that they were trying to make a "real" movie by remaking an old exploitation film, but I just couldn't feel too bad for the girl. The original I Spit looks like it could be old footage of someone getting raped and then killing her rapists in gruesome ways. The new movie has good editing that reminds you that you're watching a movie, so it's hard to feel bad for the girl. Instead, it just becomes a "waiting game" since the famous rape scene is coming. When you finally see it happen, you get the satisfaction of seeing her naked followed by the even more satisfying revenge that follows. So watch it for whatever reason you want to see it for, but just know what you're getting into. Highly recommended for fans of the original, Eden Lake, or Storm Warning.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Piranha 3DD


A sequel is in the works, slated for a November release later this year, and is looking to reunite Feast director John Gulager with Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan who have both written for the Feast trilogies and some of the later Saw movies. (starting from about Saw IV) Production seems to be delayed already because they're working on the 3D to "make sure it's done right" but that's totally sweet because if it's anything like the original.... I would definitely want the 3D to be perfect. I don't usually like it when they pump out sequels without the same directors and since Aja isn't returning, I was initially skeptical. But I thought about it and I can totally see the Feast guys doing something awesome with this series since it's right up their alley. I just hope it's not a lame sequel like Hatchet II. They are looking to call it Piranha 3-Double D and rumors have it they want it to take place at a waterpark. The guys at Bloody-Disgusting are staying up to date with news and rumors.

Zombies Are Coming!!!

Ever since last Halloween, I've noticed that Zombies have become the most popular movie monsters in recent years leaving Werewolves and Vampires, which have been queered up by the Twilight franchise, behind in their wake. This outbreak was infecting every possible medium in mainstream media from books to video games to movies and even TV shows. AMC channel was premiering their widely popular The Walking Dead series. Dead Rising 2 was a video game all about surviving a zombie outbreak in Las Vegas, Red Dead Redemption announced they would have an Undead Nightmare package, and Call of Duty: Black Ops brought back their ever popular Nazi Zombie mode. Zombies are on the rise (from their graves!!) so I thought I'd take this time to take a quick look into the Zombie subgenre as a whole.

Video Games:


The recent popularity of post-Romero zombies began with the release of the Resident Evil franchise, also known as Bio-Hazard in Japan, which became wildly popular in the late 90's. This video game franchise created the survival horror genre and breathed new life into those undead bastards. This insanely popular video game franchise eventually spawned four live action films and one animated feature.


In addition to the games mentioned above, the zombie's popularity has spread even to mobile apps where they created a "cute" game involving zombies. Which goes to show, zombies aren't just popular amongst die hard and blood-thirsty fans but amongst casual gamers and non-zombie fans too.

Dead Island Official Trailer



Books:


Another reason for the Zombie's meteoric rise to popularity has to be the release of Max Brooks' Zombie Survival Guide. Detailing some key strategies for surviving a zombie outbreak, this book touches on what the advantages are to using certain weapons, where to go after an outbreak, and other useful information that may be essential to your survival. While doing a tour of different colleges, Max Brooks was holding seminars on zombie survival in campuses across the U.S. when he came up with the idea for a Zombie Survival Guide. Think about that, zombie popularity was so rampant that it spread into our education system!!!!


Available now from Roger Ma and the Zombie Combat Club, comes the Zombie Combat Manual. This book provides some insight on combat strategies and battle tactics. Useful tips such as stabbing zombies under the chin with a knife as opposed to their eyes because if you miss, you open yourself up to an attack by the zombie. (Check out the Amazon link, there are a couple "instructional" video clips that you can check out there!) An excellent addition to the bookshelf of any zombie survival enthusiast, the Zombie Combat Manual is one of the more recent and prominent survival guides available.

Movies:


A documentary entitled Zombiemania, provides a ton of background on the zombie subgenre. Touching on various subjects such as Voodoo's influence on the genre, the documentary mainly focuses on George A. Romero's contributions to the genre. Including, of course, the special effects of Tom Savini and how the genre itself has evolved. A very interesting documentary to "get your feet wet" if you aren't already a fan of the genre. I'm not sure if it's available on DVD but I watched it on Netflix Instant Play. (where it's still available!!)


In movie news, the extremely bizarre movie Deadgirl is receiving a sequel. The guys over at Bloody-Disgusting have the scoop. Apparently, the sequel will be about a group of girls who happen upon the same zombie girl from the first movie. Very interesting....

In other news, a release date of May 4th has been set for AMC theaters to start rockin' a new German zombie film entitled Rammbock



The story will follow a man who attempts to make-up with his girlfriend but finds her apartment empty when he gets there. Realizing that there has been a zombie outbreak, he barricades himself inside her apartment with everyone else in the building trying to survive by screaming out windows to make plans with one another.

TV:


The wildly popular AMC channel original series, The Walking Dead, is awaiting their second season. (slated for an October release) This television series, based on a comic book series of the same name, appeals to the general public in addition to long-time fans of zombies. My cousin, who cannot stand anything scary, tells me that she watches the show but changes the channel during violent scenes (!) involving zombie attacks. The show (much like the comic) is touted for its storyline, which entices viewers and readers alike, because the development for the characters are so deep and involved. The realism of character interactions during an intense survival situation is engrossing to both hardcore lover and haters of zombies. For those who are eagerly awaiting the release of the second season and can't get enough Walking Dead, the first season is available now on Blu-Ray and DVD.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Return of the Killer Tomatoes! (1988)


Return of the Killer Tomatoes! (USA, 1988) - Color, Director(s): John De Bello
MPAA Rating: PG
[UK: 15]
Approx. 98 min.

Z-rating: 5 out of 5 stars

B-factor: 5 out of 5 stars

After reviewing Freaked recently, I was in the mood for more low budget cult comedies. I had to return to my roots and review a movie that served as one of my original inspirations for starting this blog. When the movie starts and some cheesy TV host of a show called "One Dollar Movie" announces a raffle for $9, we already have a pretty good idea of what kinda movie we're in store for. There's a poster on the wall displaying the movie of the week, a crumpled up Attack of the Killer Tomatoes poster that someone fished out of the trash and stuck a piece of scotch tape with the word "Return" written on it. After starting the movie, we see that they've switched the reels with a movie called Big Breasted Girls Go to the Beach and Take Their Tops Off (which, I'm sure about half my audience of readers wouldn't mind watching instead)  Cheap gag to put more female bodies on the screen... but damn do I love it!!! After switching back to Return of the Killer Tomatoes, we see mad scientist Prof. Gangreen (John Astin) and his super sexy female companion, Tara (Karen Waldron, then Karen Mistal) working on some evil experiment involving.... you guessed it, TOMATOES!!!!!

Tomatoes that have since been outlawed by Congress following the Great Tomato War. Life has since continued without tomatoes, everyone just adapts, even pizza parlors have begun to make pizzas without tomato sauce. Prof. Gangreen's plans seem to be going accordingly until Tara spots him throwing out a "failed experiment" in which he accidentally created a fuzzy tomato. Picking him back out of the trash, Tara names it FT (short for Fuzzy Tomato) and runs away with it. Since she doesn't know anyone, she goes to the only person that she knows in town... Chad Finletter (Anthony Starke), the nephew of the main character in the first movie. She appears to be the perfect girlfriend because she's able to cook 815 international dishes, clean, and perform 637 sexual acts!!! They start dating and everything seems hunky dory but before long, the truth comes out that Tara is really a tomato!!! She runs away after the truth is revealed and of course, Chad realizes that he loves her despite the fact that she's a tomato. Grabbing his best friend and roommate, Matt Stevens (one of George Clooney's first starring roles), the two boys try to rescue Tara from old Gangreen with a little help from the crack team that defeated the tomatoes in the first movie. (Uncle Finletter and his crew)

So, why review a sequel and skip the original? As much as I love cheesy, low budget, B-grade trash films... the original was just so terrible that not even I could bring myself to enjoy it. For as long as I could remember, Killer Tomatoes had faces and sharp teeth. The original was just about a bunch of people running and screaming while being pelted by little red balls that bounce around and "kill" people. As much as I love Troma schlock, low-budget indie trash, and ridiculously silly comedies... I can't stand movies that look like I could do a better job of putting them together myself. As much as I like movies, I'm no filmmaker. But if I feel like I can do a better job of making a movie, then I feel like whatever I'm watching just isn't worth my time. I LOVE the last three films in this series (yes, there were three), I just can't stand the first one.

*drools*

Nudity: You can make out Karen Mistal's tits through a foggy shower door when George Clooney returns home in the morning after she first runs away from old Gangreen. There are some scenes of girls in bikinis running around on the beach, but nothing explicit.

Gore: None. Unless you count a tomato being crushed.

Awesome: to the MAX!!!!!!!!! I love how the movie never takes itself seriously, which makes it a very entertaining movie to watch. John Astin, who returns throughout the series, is absolutely fantastic as Prof. Gangreen. (He even lends his voice for the animated TV show) Half way through the movie, they "run out" of money in the budget and have to do a bunch of product placements to raise the cash to finish the film. This is followed by a couple of hilarious scenes where they plug Pepsi cola, Nestle's Crunch, and Foster's beer. (The very obvious product placements following this are hilarious) I love how they break down the fourth wall and address the audience towards the end to tie up any lose ends they had in the first reel. This movie looks like it was a lot of fun to make and so I have a lot of fun just watching it. Although I could've sworn that there was more nudity in this film, this is EXACTLY the type of silly, cheesy, stupid B-movie that I really enjoy. Totally 80's stuff.