Friday, October 8, 2010

Hatchet (2006)

Hatchet (USA, 2006) - Color, Director(s): Adam Green
MPAA Rating: R
Approx. 84 min. (uncut)

Z-rating: 9.5 out of 10 stars for nudity, extreme violence, and explicit gore

Advertised as an “old school American Horror” movie with the poster touting, “It's not a remake. It's not a sequel. And it's not based on a Japanese one.”

When they say “old school American horror", they really mean blood-drenched slasher films with a hulking, madman of a serial killer and a rising body count. (Which I must admit, I totally love!) This film begins in New Orleans during Mardi Gras season. Beautiful young people are partying all about... except for Joel Moore (Grandma's Boy, Avatar) who is trying to get over a bad break up. Seeing that he's not feeling much like partying, his buddy Marcus decides to stick by him and go along on some lame haunted swamp tour of the Louisiana bayou. During the course of this tour, we learn the legend of Victor Crowley. Horribly deformed since birth, his father kept him locked away to avoid harassment. One Halloween night, a bunch of kids throw fireworks into his house in an attempt to scare him but ended up setting fire to his house instead. Victor's father comes back to find his house ablaze, so he grabs a hatchet in order to free his son who is still trapped inside. Unbeknownst to him, his son Victor had his face pressed up against the other side of the door and when he hacked into the door... he hit his son square in his face and killed him. Victor's father eventually dies years later, completely wracked with grief, and the swamp is closed off following a series of mysterious murders and disappearances. Unfortunately for our group, their hilariously incompetent tour guide (played by Parry Shen, this guy is a riot as a Chinese guy using a fake southern accent) gets the boat stuck RIGHT outside of the old Crowley house. Being a horror movie, they also have the terrible luck of running into Victor Crowley himself. Or at least the undead... ghost... thingy...of him. (Whatever man, you don't care what the fuck he is any more than I do. You just wanna see him kill people... violently.... you sick bastard....) And kill he does. Once Crowley appears, it becomes your typical “Stalk 'n Slash” film with the cast of happy campers trying desperately to escape Camp Crystal Lake with their lives. (Oh wait, that's... eh, forget it)
This unbelievably awesome slasher has spawned a sequel and has two more in the works. Hatchet II received a limited theatrical release on Oct. 1, 2010. I was looking for this movie in theaters near me but there weren't any that were showing this movie. BUMMER!!! I was hoping to watch and review it for Halloween!  
You know they're gonna die...

Nudity: At one point during the swamp tour, a character who goes by “Shapiro” claims to be a hotshot director that's out to film a new porno series called Bayou Beavers. Two ditzy, up and coming porn stars show off their tits as the boat tour's about to start.

MMM... yummy

Gore: 5 out of 5!!! MAX points!!!! The gore in this film is absolutely amazing. Old school American Horror indeed! When I first came across this movie, I thought I was in for another typical rising body count slasher (and that's exactly what it was) but I was also pleasantly surprised to find that the special effects in this film were top notch. If you're a total gorehound, like I am, then this is a MUST have for Halloween. In fact, if you haven't seen this movie or knows someone that hasn't seen it... rent it and play it at your Halloween party. This movie will be a smash hit, I guarantee it. 
Very nice, ladies...

Awesome: To the max. This is one of my favorite horror movies to put on for people who haven't seen it yet. Paying homage to earlier films in the slasher genre, this is an example of a throwback that's properly executed and doesn't need to use tongue-in-cheek humor to poke fun of itself. (Trivia: Kane Hodder, who plays Victor Crowley in this movie, also played Jason Voorhees in at least 4 of the Friday the 13th franchise)

Also, keep an eye out for cameos from Robert Englund (who plays Freddy Kruger in the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise) and Tony Todd (who plays Candyman)