Saturday, July 31, 2010

Sci-Fi Saturdays

Saturdays will be a chance for my inner geek to surface for Sci-Fi Saturdays.


Lifeforce (1985) - This movie is every Sci-Fi nerd's wet dream. Aliens have come from another planet to drain us of energy until we turn into shriveled up prune-people (They're sorta like space vampires, only instead of blood... they drain energy.... which look like surges of electricity) Upon being released, the alien takes the form of the young and BEAUTIFUL Mathilda May.


So... beautiful...
Directed by Tobe Hooper (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist), this Sci-Fi/Horror is awesome for its integration of aliens and vampires, which is what I hear the book this movie was based on is about. Also, the sweet boobies...


If she were a space vampire... I'd be a prune zombie right now. I'm such a sucker for a pretty face....

Friday, July 30, 2010

Foreign Fridays

On Fridays I'll recommend good films from across the globe.


District B13 (2004) - A movie based around Parkour staring its founder, David Belle. This awesome French actioner features stylized camerwork, breathtaking stunts, and a fantastic soundtrack to boot. The non-stop, fast-paced action is held together by a simple yet gritty plot, to match its gritty urban backdrop, which gives this movie its charm. The long anticipated sequel, District B13: Ultimatum, didn't live up to the hype or the charm of the first one. A must see for anyone looking for an exciting action movie to watch.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thrilling Thursdays

Thursdays will be for Thrillers and movies that are sexually thrilling. (Just a cop out really, cause I wasn't confident I knew enough thrillers to keep up with the others.


Hard Candy (2005) - This thrill, although not quite sexual... does involve a sexual organ. Ellen Page, who also stars in this summer's blockbuster hit Inception, plays an innocent young girl meeting a stranger from the internet at a coffee shop. Before long, they go back to his place for drinks and this sexual predator seemingly has her right where he wants her... but things aren't what they appear. When the tables are suddenly turned, this pedophile/photographer gets more than he bargained for. With most of the violence implied, this movie is amazingly effective in making guys squirm. My favorite line in the movie: "Does your mother know you cut off mens' balls?"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

WTF?! Wednesdays

WTF?! Wednesdays are for movies that bizarre, wacky, and completely baffling. Suspend all logic and reasoning for these movies, you're just along for the ride...


Takashi Miike, also known as the Rabid Dog of Japanese cinema, is the mad mastermind behind this black comedy with supposed satire on the obsession with reality television. When the movie first started, I thought I had gotten the wrong movie from Netflix. The first 15 minutes or so plays out like some sex tape. Shortly after, we are introduced to "Visitor Q" and the strange family he is to stay with. A rather dysfunctional family that includes a promiscuous daughter, a son that's bullied in school but he comes home and beats his lactating mother, and a strange father who video tapes everything including his incestuous acts with his daughter. If you have the patience for this type of movie, it is absolutely hilarious. Without a doubt, had me repeating "WTF?!" like a mantra all throughout the movie. The whole scene in the greenhouse where the father bones the corpse of the dead reporter is CLASSIC. (and the "predicament" the father gets himself into... is worth a viewing alone!!)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sucker Punch Trailer

WTF is this movie?! Hot chicks, apparently strippers, armed with guns and a katana... battle dragons and robots... awesome to the max....



How awesome is this?!

Terrible Tuesdays

Terrible Tuesdays are for movies that are undeniably bad movies, that are guilty pleasures or just fun to laugh at with friends.(but whether they're so bad they're good, or just plain bad is up to the viewer's sense of humor.) Be warned, watch these movies at your own risk!


Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) - I have to admit, I have some sorta fetish for these cheesy B-movies. The idea is completely original and I absolutely LOVED the way it was executed, this movie wouldn't have worked any other way. Clown aliens arrived from another planet in a spaceship that remarkably resembles a circus tent and are soon on the prowl for humans. These clown freaks have cotton candy ray guns that cocoon people. (which they later drain the fluids from with crazy straws) There's even a final clown boss. This bad boy ranks a 10 on my cheese-meter.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Martial Art Mondays

In order to keep my lazy ass on track, I've decided to recommend a different movie from a different genre each day of the week. Martial Art Mondays will be for old school Kung Fu movies, armed or unarmed combat, as well as MMA news and reviews. So I'm gonna kick this off with:


Flash Point (2007) - Donnie Yen plays a cop opposite main villain Collin Chou (Forbidden Kingdom, My Father is a Hero). What makes this movie unique is the mixed martial arts choreography. Donnie Yen's recent movies are more realistic and harder hitting than anyone else's on the market. The action is fast paced and unrelenting. Appeals to my friends with short attention spans as well as both my parents. Awesome fighting, crazy shootouts... what's not to like?

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Stolen from Netflix

A few quick reviews I wrote:


     John Conner, the last hope for the future of mankind, playing a horror movie obsessed teen? Awesome. When this Fangoria reading horror club president/peeping tom catches wind of a new interactive video game... he's just DYING to try it out. Things get out of control when the video game becomes a little TOO realistic for his taste. "The Trickster" was a little lame and annoying but I was hard-pressed not to give it a higher rating for the SUPER hottie that plays the next door neighbor. Classic cheese you'd expect from an 80's horror movie. If they had gotten a little more creative with the Trickster, this would've gotten a higher rating... but still earned a SOLID 8 out of 10 from me.


     Apocalypse Inc. moves into Tromaville and tries taking over but first needs to kill The Toxic Avenger. After some failed attempts, they convince our hero to look for his father in Japan. Toxic Avenger 2 was typical Troma sleeze. Lame sound effects with ridiculous, over-the-top methods of "disposing" of criminals. This is a more silly and slapstick sequel to the original. Plenty of hot naked Japanese girls and violence wins this 7 out of 10 for being typical Troma schlock.


     Although it's another combination of Martial Arts + (insert random activity) type movie, it's nowhere near as successful as Shaolin Soccer was. Not really made to show off either Kung Fu or recipes for cooking, this (surprisingly) was at least somewhat entertaining as opposed to some of the others in this subgenre. (Like lame ass Kung Fu Dunk for example) This movie has a serious tone while not taking itself seriously. Sammo Hung leads some other recognizable faces in this Kung Fu meets Iron Chef type movie. Do not expect another Shaolin Soccer, but this is far from the worst of the worst. This was really a mediocre example of movies jumping on a successful formula. Although, I must admit... I love Sammo Hung!!! Therefore, I generously give this a 6 out of 10.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Attack of the Remake!!!


     There’s a poster out for the I Spit On Your Grave remake, brandishing an unrated tag. For anyone that doesn’t know about the original nasty revenge epic… it’s known around different circles of cult film enthusiasts for its brutality, this sick little puppy features a hard-to-watch rape scene and the one where she goes Lorena Bobbit on his ass. (Note: The guy made a porno by the way, which apparently has a sequel by the name of FrankenPenis) Check out this trailer courtesy of FEARnet



The cool thing is the poster looks remarkably similar to the old one. But they’ve got some SyFy TV Movie reject director Steven R. Monroe at the helm for this reboot. I don’t wanna judge the guy’s work before I see it, so I’m curious to see what he can actually bring to the table.
Cult film fanatics are just that, a cult-like audience. They’re very protective of their movies and I hope this Monroe fella can really step up to the plate.

     Also getting the remake treatment, Piranha... in 3D no less. When I first heard about this movie on UHM, I remember thinking to myself that this was going to be a catastrophe. Piggybacking on the success of the My Bloody Valentine remake in 3D, I thought they were going to saturate the market with garbage 3D movies and people were going to lose interest in paying higher prices for movies that just arent up to par. That was until the guys over at FEARnet plugged a bootleg TV spot, including a trailer to upcoming remake and I have to say... I'm a little impressed. Maybe it's not going to win Best Picture, but at least it doesn't look like some SyFy channel rejected movie.



Hot young kids on Spring Break, partying in sexy little swimsuits, get torn to shreds by prehistoric piranha. What's not to like? Not to worry, they've got Ving Rhames to protect them and Christopher Lloyd to um... well, he's Christopher Lloyd. With director Alexandre Aja (Haute Tension, Mirrors) at the helm, I have real high hopes for this one.

In other news, Marvel once again replaces the face of a character and destroys any continuity throughout the films they’re trying to link together. Marvel announced that they would not be bringing Edward Norton back as Bruce Banner for the 2012 Avengers movies. (If you’ve been sitting patiently through the credits there has always been little snippets that blatantly “hint” at the Avengers film they’re planning.) First they replace Terrance Howard in Iron Man 2 with Don Cheadle. Now this. Not that they're both not great actors, it’s going to be hard to collect all the Marvel superhero movies and watch them all in an Avengers marathon. They try to sell us some bullshit about this decision not being made based on monetary factors, that it’s some creative difference. It’s always some money bullshit, anyway… read the full article here.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Inception (2010)



     Holy mindfuck Batman!!! This was one of the trippiest experiences I've ever had at the theater. I saw Avatar in IMAX 3D and it was the greatest visual experience I've had in my life. Grindhouse was the most fun I'd ever had in theaters AND it was a double feature. (I don't get stupid idiots that complained about the movie being long, it's two separate movies.. just fuckin leave!!!! Don't ruin it for the rest of us) Also, who can forget the special place I have in my heart for the 2009 remake of My Bloody Valentine. Before Avatar, it was my favorite 3D movie for the longest time and still trumps Avatar in the badass gore department. (This is the first RealD movie that I saw in theaters and was the first 3D movie I saw on my own. So I will always be fond of this movie because she was my first... taking my 3D virginity... well, basically more like raping my virgin eyes by forcing images into it.) But this was such a trippy experience, I feel like it was almost a dream!!!

     Inception used some simple camera tricks, but does so REALLY effectively. (Ok, I'm sure it wasn't super easy.... but at least they didn't have to specially design a camera just to film this movie.) Unlike Avatar, which had shit popping out at you from every which way, Inception blends beautiful camerawork with a deep and involved plot to make for brilliant storytelling. Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond, Titanic) plays a freelance "extractor" who infiltrates your subconscious using your dreams in order to steal all your secrets. The super cute Ellen Page (Hard Candy, X-Men 3: The Last Stand) plays an architect and Cillian Murphy (28 Days Later, Red Eye) plays a rich son who is also the target for inception. The rest of this fantastic ensemble casts consists of Joseph Godon-Levitt (Roseanne, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra), Tom Hardy (Black Hawk Down, Layer Cake), and Ken Watanabe (Batman Begins, The Last Samurai). Written and directed by Christopher Nolan, the mastermind who brought us The Dark Knight, The Prestige, and Memento.

     This movie was a ton of fun to watch, thought-provoking, imaginative, and is like a swift kick to the eyeballs. (which are kind like your brains' nuts) Without giving away too much about the story, this movie delves deep into dreams and your subconscious. Blurring the lines between fantasy/reality... kind of like The Cell and A Nightmare on Elm Street, minus all the horror and gore. This movie gets a full score of 10 out of 10 from me for giving me a total mindgasm. I think I may have even jizzed in my pants a little. Go see this movie in theaters, you'll get a "kick" out of it.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Jay Chou in the Green Hornet Reboot!

Random quickie update from down here in SoCal:


     For all you Jay Chou freaks out there, he's going to be in the new Green Hornet movie. (A reboot of the original series) Jay Chou, famous Taiwanese singer/actor, will be Green Hornet's sidekick.... Kato. (Who, in the original series, was played by the MAN... Bruce Lee) Rumors have it that Stephen Chow dropped out for the role, therefore giving Jay Chou the opportunity to take the role. The biggest surprise comes in the form of leading man, Seth Rogen, for the role as the Green Hornet. Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, this movie is set for a 2011 release. I loved Seth Rogen in Pineapple Express, he was HILARIOUS in that. I just can't take him seriously enough for a superhero. I'm not sure how I feel about this honestly... but the fighting looks kinda cool. Check it out for yourselves...

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Top 10 Favorite Horror Movies

     How the fuck did this even happen? We’re in July and it’s already been over a week since I’ve posted. Boy, this stuff is hard to keep up with. But not to worry, I will try to be more diligent with my updates. And so, without further ado, I present my list of Top 10 Favorite Horror Movies:



10. Art of the Devil II (2005) – Creepy, violent Thai horror movie. A teacher is embarrassed and forced to give up her job when her students blackmail her. Using Thai black magic, she exacts her revenge against the students. A blend of cringe-worthy scenes of graphic torture and creepy supernatural elements to boot, this Thai horror really stood out to me. When I first heard about this movie, they claimed it was a stand-alone movie. (“because sequels make so much more lot of money!!” – see Arnold Schwarzenegger interview on E!) I did find a movie called Art of the Devil, that came out before this movie, though I’m not sure if they’re related.


9. Ebola Syndrome (1996) – Starring HK movie great Anthony Wong, known for his roles in The Heroic Trio and as Tai Fei in the Young and Dangerous series. This CAT III exploitation/horror film gets real nasty from the start with a castration followed by a double murder of two parents in front of their child. Pretty messed up way to start a movie, but not if you see what else happens. He runs away and finds a job working in a restaurant, where he is asked to accompany the boss to South Africa(?) to buy some discount meat… from a tribe. While waiting for the meat, he sees a tribal woman fall over from what appears to be having a seizure. Getting tired of waiting around, he decides to get his dick wet… and rapes her… contracting the deadly Ebola virus!! (You just can’t find movies like this anymore) Playing into his crazy Bunman character from The Untold Story, Anthony Wong eventually starts chopping people up into human hamburgers and serving them in the restaurant, spreading Ebola to the public. They just don’t make crazy awesome filth like this anymore.


 8. Grindhouse: Planet Terror (2007) – Anyone who didn’t see this in theaters, totally missed out!!! (Although I hear it bombed in theaters, so many that’s probably the majority of the people) Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror was coupled with Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof to make a double feature, interlaced with fake movie trailers by directors Rob Zombie (Halloween, Devil’s Rejects), Eli Roth (Hostel, Cabin Fever), and Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz). My experience at the theater was, up until that time, the BEST I’d ever had in theaters. Although I loved both movies, if I had to pick just one for the Top 10… I’d have to go with Planet Terror because it was hands-down one of the coolest fuckin zombie movies, ever.


7. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) – A classic that just had a recent remake, which I refused to pay money to see in theaters because it looked like a CGI-laden piece of crap, begins the legend of a character that would haunt children’s nightmares for the next couple decades. Brilliantly directed by Wes Craven (Scream, The Hills Have Eyes) to blend the scary stuff in so well that you can’t tell when a character has fallen asleep or when they started dreaming. This film also marks the film debut of teenage heartthrob Johnny Depp. (in his memorable death bed scene followed by the blood geyser) This was the only legitimately creepy entry into the series, the later ones have Freddy getting sillier and sillier with his kills.


 6. Hellbound: Hellrasier II (1988) – I feel a bit robbed of my childhood as I was never forced to watch overly violent horror movies and then stay up sleepless nights. Even though I was a bit older before I saw this one, this was still a pretty twisted movie that I absolutely LOVED. Following the original which tells of a magic puzzle box that opens the gates of Hell, this time around, some demented psychologist (and apparently closet occultist) tries to figure out the secrets to the puzzle box. I love the creatures (Cenobites) that you see in Hellraiser movies. We even get to see a demon vs. demon battle in Hell!!! This movie HAD to make it on this list. 


5. Demons (1985) – Now, what can I say if you haven’t seen this movie before? Fucking go watch this shit!!! Demons is an awesome film directed by Lamberto Bava, son of legendary Italian horror director/cinematographer Mario Bava, and produced by Italian horror maestro Dario Argento. A group of strangers are invited to a movie theater for a special screening of a new movie. What they don’t realize as the movie plays is that the same things are happening in the theater and soon, the entire theatre is overrun by bloodthirsty demons. The sick beats in this movie coupled with kick ass special effects had me fall in love with this movie. When people were transforming into demons, we see fangs push out normal human teeth and sharp claws poke out through fingernails.


4. Evil Dead II: Dead by Dawn (1986) – The uncrowned king of cult movies, the Evil Dead series directed by Sam Raimi (Spiderman) is everyone’s favorite little guilty pleasure. I’ve had countless conversations with random strangers regarding the Evil Dead series. The second installment of this series is apparently a remake of the first one. The story follows Ash and his party getting trapped in a cabin while being haunted by demons that were summoned using the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis. (The Book of the Dead) What follows is blood-soaked, ooze-filled comedy gold. With some genuinely creepy moments interlaced with slapstick humor, this cult comedy/horror has a very special place in my heart.


 3. Mr. Vampire (1985) – This is one that I felt conflicted on whether or not I should have it higher up on the list. One of my absolute favorites without a doubt, I’ve been watching this movie since I was a child. Defining its own sub-genre in Chinese horror, Lam Ching Ying (Prodigal Son, Magic Cop) plays a priest that uses Taoist magic and kung fu to fight vampires. Armed with yellow paper talisman, wooden swords, and a plethora of martial art skills to boot, this old-looking Taoist priest is ready to defend the innocent against the creatures of the night. After this movie, they tried to make many more like it. Eventually, the priest in yellow robe fighting hopping vampires became its own craze.


2. Day of the Dead (1985) – Undoubtedly, the finest quality special effects I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness… for a zombie movie no less!!!! Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a love/hate relationship with zombies, in that, I love to hate em!! Anyone else with a fetish for zombies can tell you that truly good zombie movie only comes along every once in a LONG while. This one is a landmark zombie movie, one that I had to give mad respect to because of the reputation behind this baby. Directed by George Romero (Creepshow, Martin) who basically redefined the term “zombie” from mindless Voodoo slave to flesh-eating undead corpse with his movie Night of the Living Dead, entering this third movie into his Dead films franchise. The unbelievably realistic gore effects were from legendary F/X artist Tom Savini, who apparently won his first Saturn award (sorta like the Oscar of Sci-Fi, Fantasy, and Horror awards) thanks to the work he did on this film. Some of the most realistic and gut-churning gore can be found on this bad boy.


1. Re-Animator (1985)– Last but not least, we arrive at my personal number one pick. Not because I think it’s terrifyingly scary or filled with the most violence I’ve ever witnessed. Re-Animator tops my list simply because I absolutely fucking LOVE this movie. I loved the music, I loved the special effects, and I love the Lovecraftian lore. (Plus, ever since I was a kid… it was always my dream to become a mad scientist when I grew up) This film, lensed by director Stuart Gordon (From Beyond, Castle Freak), was based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft entitled Herbert West-Reanimator. There’s Jeffrey Combs as the quirky scientist Herbert West, the total 80’s feel of this movie, and you even get to see the beautiful Barbara Crampton fully nude towards the end. (You even get to see a severed head between her legs, attempting to go muff diving as she’s strapped to a table)

Honorable mentions: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, Trick 'r Treat, Cabin Fever, The Uninvited

That's it for my list for my favorite horror movies, now... before anyone starts bitchin that a movie on my list isn’t really scary or if there was another movie that represented the genre better, this is just a list of my personal favorites that I would love to watch any time someone offers to put it on. If anyone would like to leave their Top 10 in the comments, I'd love to hear em.